Sunday, March 25, 2012

Single Girl Sunday: June's Story - How I Accidentally Dated a Married Man.

I slept with a married man and carried on a relationship with him for almost six months.

I’m sure that you’ve already pegged me as a whore, a home wrecker, or some other derogatory term.  But before you are quick to judge me, understand that I truly did not know that the man that I cared for, even loved, was married.  It seems impossible, I know.  How could I carry on a relationship with someone for so long without knowing that he was married?  Did I mention that he also had two kids?  Well, unfortunately, it’s easier to find yourself in this situation than you think.

He was smart, handsome, and nice.  I met him while at work as I was eating my lunch alone in the cafeteria.  Just like in the movies, I was immersed in a book when I look up and saw him standing over me with his tray asking me if he could sit down.  Considering that I was by myself (in more ways than one) I told him to pull up a seat and from there we began to talk as if we were lifelong friends.

Soon after that, I saw him again and we decided to make our accidental meetings more purposeful.  He told me that he traveled for business but that he was new to town and our company.  I offered to help him pick out furniture for his place.  We would jokingly pick out things from the IKEA catalogue to trick out his “pimp pad”.  It took no time for our friendship to turn into something more.

It started out with an early Saturday movie and evolved into late-night dinners on Sundays.  When our relationship became physical, he would assure me that he had to leave my house so early in the mornings because he had to catch a flight…or to prepare for conference call…or to take his grandmother to the doctor. Though I wanted to see him more, I decided not to push him for more attention because I didn’t want to scare him away.  So I settled for believing the things that he told me although deep down I knew he wasn’t being completely honest with me.

The red flags started to pop up when I realized he wouldn’t pick up the phones during the evenings when he wasn’t with me.  Then he wouldn’t respond to my text messages during the day.  Eventually, our only interactions were when I saw him in the cafeteria at work or when he decided that he wanted to see me.
Everything hit the fan one day when I decided to follow him after he left my house at four o’clock in the morning.   As soon as I heard his truck pull out of my driveway, I ran to my car to follow him.  At first I thought I would get caught, which scared me more than actually finding him with someone else.  Because I knew that if he caught me before I discovered where he was really going then I ran the risk of him hating me and ending our relationship – possibly over nothing.

I trailed him for an hour outside of the city limits into a suburban subdevelopment that I had actually been to a few months before for a Christmas party.

As soon as he pulled up and got out of the car, my heart sank when I saw a kids’ swing set in the backyard.  And though the evidence was obvious I felt as if I needed conformation for myself.  So I decided to wait until his wife left the house for work.  I felt like I had to see his wife’s face for it to be true.

After three hours in the car, the door to his home opened and out walked my lover…and his tall, Amazon forest-looking, beautiful Latino wife.

I sat there watching them load their family into the car.  I cried.  I yelled.  I cursed.  I even considered ramming my car into theirs as they drove away.  I considered jumping out the car and telling his wife who I was and how I knew her husband.  In the end, I ended up just driving away, but not before shitting on their front porch first.

I never told the man that I was dating that I drove to his house, but the next time he came to my table in the cafeteria I told him that I knew he was married.  I figured that the pile of shit waiting for him when he got home would do all the talking for me.  For a fleeting moment, I was envious of the woman who had the man that I wanted to be mine, but I realized that she had bigger problems then I could ever imagine.

From that experience, I learned to always trust my instincts, and that advice stands true regardless of it you are single or married.  If something doesn’t seem right, you owe it to yourself to see what’s going on.  Ask the tough questions that you are afraid to know.  God willing, you will find out that the problem is something that can be repaired.  But if by chance, the issue seems insurmountable, face it head on because you will be mad at yourself in the long-term if you do not.  

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