Saturday, December 31, 2011

(2 Karats and a Kid) What can you do with a year?

Mommy-ism #18:  The success or failure of your goals can only fall squarely on your shoulders.  If you are a mother, or a wife, or a student, or...whatever, if you are not moving in the direction of your goals there is only one reason -- fear.

I'm not going to lie, I was very anxious during the weeks leading up to 2012.  It's in part because I watch too much effing History and Discover Channel and -- even when I don't want to -- I'm continuously pulled into the shows regarding the end of the world, global warming, and conspiracy theories.

Nostradamus, the Mayans, the I Ching -  it will truly screw your head up if you let it.  So when I started contemplating my escape route out of Chicago if there was an 10.0 magnitude earthquake, I realized that I had to boycott all television shows related to history, aliens, and endangered animals for a few months.

But then I started to think, what would I do if I only had a year to live?  And the answers actually surprised me.  My answer wasn't to rob a bank, or go to Paris, or stalk Oprah, or even sky drive.  As it turns out, I would want to spend my year saying thank you to everyone who has meant anything to me, I would want to perform random acts of kindness like Oprah but on a more economical scale, and I would want to apologize to everyone that I thought I may have hurt in my past.

I would stop bullshitting and to write a book
I would tell myself that it's okay to curse sometimes if its apart of the honest thoughts that are in my head
I would put as much effort into my sex life as I do cleaning the house and taking care of my child
I would forgive myself and others for friendships, jobs, and relationships that were supposed to be forever but ended much, much, sooner
I would tell my husband that I love him, every day, and to tell him that he has taught me more about love than I could ever teach him
I would not complain about being at home with my son because it's truly the only job I have ever really enjoyed
I would tell myself that it's okay to only have 3 pairs of jeans
I would tell myself that it's okay to refuse to pay more than $30 for a pair of jeans
I would call the three teachers who truly believed in me and to tell them thank you
I would apologize to my first love for almost screwing up both of our lives
I would tell myself that it's okay to prioritize myself as much as I prioritize everyone that I love
I would believe and act as if my dreams are just as important as anyone else.

While I understand the inclination to be lured into anxious thinking in regards to this upcoming year, I think it's a better use of time and energy to see this upcoming year for the opportunity that it presents to us all.  If there is something that you have always wanted to do then do it.  If there a relationship that you always wanted to repair then repair it.  We don't need the Mayans to tell us that life is short so let's instead see 2012 as our time to truly begin to live.

(2 Karats and a Kid) 2011 was a MUTHA...

I won't write much about 2011 but I will say that it was a muthaf______ and a son a b_____ rolled into one.  Whew!  It felt good just to get that out.  See, I consider myself a pretty devoted player for "Team Jesus" so I try to choose my words wisely and in a way that will make my husband, mother, and savior proud.  But as this year comes to an end, I'll give myself a break and let least for a bit.
The truth is, I have alot to be grateful for and I don't want that to go unacknowledged before I tell 2011 to go piss off.
For starters, my child's heart defect healed on its own which is a miracle akin to Moses parting the Red Sea in my eyes;

My husband and I made it through our first year as parents alive and still married;

I made it out of this year more happy than sad, more grateful than bitter, more determined than detoured.

On the downside of things, my life was affected by ninja-ery at an epidemic level as our apartment was broken into, my husband's car was broken into twice,  for a majority of the year I continued to work at a place where I thought I would get shot, and I am in the midst of a postponed quarter-life crisis - as I have turned 30 but don't have no effing idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.

Yet, as this year comes to a welcome end, I trust beyond all rationale that there is still an invisible hand guiding me along my way.  I trust that in the midst of this chaos that things are unfolding exactly the way that they should.

So, while I'm glad to say, "piss of can kiss my a___," in the same breath I say thank you to the year that forced me to make some of the hardest decisions of my life, that has made me more courageous, and that reminded me that I write the book of my own life.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

(2 Karats and a Kid) This da** kangaroo pouch....

Mommy-ism #17:  The only thing standing between you and the body that you want isn't your time or the baby, it's cupcakes.

Confession:  It seems as though I've let myself go.

There, I said it.

I can admit it because in 2012 - the year that is going to be the most kicka**stic year of them all - I am determined to change my healthy habits. Truth is, I tried to return back into my pre-pregnancy workout regime around 8 weeks post-partum.  I had always been a fit person. The most weight I had gained since college was four pounds during a cookie-eating binge phase while in graduate school.  So my point is, I usually could lose 5 pounds just by blinking my eyes twice and wishing for it to be gone.

So when I walked into my cardio kickbox class after my 10 month pregnancy, I was pumped and ready to sweat off the last ten pounds from my pregnancy in an hour's time.   The bass in the music pulsated throughout the room.  The other women were stretching.   My heart began to race before I had even began to move.

This is it, I thought.  Time to kick this baby fat's ass.

The instructor called us all to take our positions on the floor.  The cardio kickbox warmup has always been a piece of cake.  30 right hooks, 30 left hooks, 30 left leg neck-breakers, 30 right leg neck breakers...repeat.

Marky Mark's voice came over the speaker:

It's such a good vibration.
It's such a sweet sensation.
Feel the vibration.
Come on. Come on.

I started out strong.  I got the encouraging head nod from the instructor that indicated that she too, thought that I was kicking ass.

Then the right hooks started.  Suddenly out of breath, I began to wonder how much time had passed since the class had started.  15 minutes?  30 minutes? 

When I spotted the clock on the other side of the room, I couldn't believe that only 5 minutes had passed.  My heart was pounding outside of my chest.  By the time the neck breakers started, I was gripping my side looking for the water fountain and the nearest Starbucks because only a soy white chocolate mocha could cure the defeat I was experiencing.

Somehow, I made it through that first session back in the gym.  However, I haven't been back since. 

Initially my lack of physical activity hadn't been a problem because I was breastfeeding.  Whatever I ate - fruit, cookies, sushi, or chicken - went in through my mouth and out through my tit.  It was marvelous, until I started to begin to wean my son from the boobs around the time he was 8 months.

In the course of the one week (post-weening) I put on five pounds...and it didn't go anywhere.  Putting on 3-4 pounds over the course of a weekend wasn't unusual for me but the inability to loose that weight throughout the week was something that I wasn't prepared for.  So now I'm stuck with an extra 5 pounds of meat around my waist that no spanx, girdle, or tight jeans can hide.

So now I have this da*n kangaroo pouch and a fear of cardio kickboxing and I don't know what to do to get rid of it.  So I've tried to become far more accepting of my voluptuous curves.  Yes, my six pack of gloriousness has turned into a little Pillsbury roll of muffins around by tummy.  The upside is that I have alot more booty and an inch more of hips that seems to make my husband happy.
Blog Design by A Mommy's Blog Design (© Copyright 2012)