Saturday, December 31, 2011

(2 Karats and a Kid) What can you do with a year?

Mommy-ism #18:  The success or failure of your goals can only fall squarely on your shoulders.  If you are a mother, or a wife, or a student, or...whatever, if you are not moving in the direction of your goals there is only one reason -- fear.

I'm not going to lie, I was very anxious during the weeks leading up to 2012.  It's in part because I watch too much effing History and Discover Channel and -- even when I don't want to -- I'm continuously pulled into the shows regarding the end of the world, global warming, and conspiracy theories.

Nostradamus, the Mayans, the I Ching -  it will truly screw your head up if you let it.  So when I started contemplating my escape route out of Chicago if there was an 10.0 magnitude earthquake, I realized that I had to boycott all television shows related to history, aliens, and endangered animals for a few months.

But then I started to think, what would I do if I only had a year to live?  And the answers actually surprised me.  My answer wasn't to rob a bank, or go to Paris, or stalk Oprah, or even sky drive.  As it turns out, I would want to spend my year saying thank you to everyone who has meant anything to me, I would want to perform random acts of kindness like Oprah but on a more economical scale, and I would want to apologize to everyone that I thought I may have hurt in my past.

I would stop bullshitting and to write a book
I would tell myself that it's okay to curse sometimes if its apart of the honest thoughts that are in my head
I would put as much effort into my sex life as I do cleaning the house and taking care of my child
I would forgive myself and others for friendships, jobs, and relationships that were supposed to be forever but ended much, much, sooner
I would tell my husband that I love him, every day, and to tell him that he has taught me more about love than I could ever teach him
I would not complain about being at home with my son because it's truly the only job I have ever really enjoyed
I would tell myself that it's okay to only have 3 pairs of jeans
I would tell myself that it's okay to refuse to pay more than $30 for a pair of jeans
I would call the three teachers who truly believed in me and to tell them thank you
I would apologize to my first love for almost screwing up both of our lives
I would tell myself that it's okay to prioritize myself as much as I prioritize everyone that I love
I would believe and act as if my dreams are just as important as anyone else.

While I understand the inclination to be lured into anxious thinking in regards to this upcoming year, I think it's a better use of time and energy to see this upcoming year for the opportunity that it presents to us all.  If there is something that you have always wanted to do then do it.  If there a relationship that you always wanted to repair then repair it.  We don't need the Mayans to tell us that life is short so let's instead see 2012 as our time to truly begin to live.

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