(2 Karats and a Kid) Breastmilk is the New Gold

Mommy-ism #11:  She who stores her breastmilk will find her freedom.


Shhh....

Can you hear it?

It's the sound of freedom.

Is it the sound of rushing waters?  Of blue jays and red robins chirping?

No, dear friend.  Those sounds, while lovely, are not the sounds of freedom that you need to concern yourself with.

The sound of freedom for a new mother is the sound of an industrial, hospital grade, fully-functioning breast pump.

I know what you are thinking: I hate being sucked and pulled.  It hurts.  It looks scary.  My supply will go down. I'm not a cow on an assembly line.  


While I understand each of these concerns, please take it from me that the breast pump has done more for women's rights than suffrage, the cosmopolitan martini, and patent leather pumps put together.

It's a shame how much no one tells you before you get pregnant.  First, no one tells you that breastfeeding initially hurts like a be-yotch.  Then no one tells that your milk supply will come to dictate your life and everything that you eat, drink, and think about for the first three months to year postpartum.  

Sorry girls, I can't drink because I'm breastfeeding.

I can only stay out for an hour because I'm breastfeeding.

Baby not right now, I'm leaking and that's so not sexy…I’m breastfeeding.

See where this is going?

What I am saying is this: As someone who wholeheartedly believes in the benefits of breastfeeding I understand how it can come to dictate your entire life.  And because most mothers’ bodies work very hard for their milk, like gold, breastmilk is a valuable commodity.  For that reason, with the right tools and a well thought out strategy - your baby can eat AND you can have a life.

For starters, if you have the financial resources, invest in a hospital grade pump.  This is a “must-have.”  Your body produces breastmilk by demand and the trick is making your body believe that it is utilizing all of the milk that it produces (by completely emptying your breast every time you are nursing or pumping).  By completely emptying your boob, you signal to your body that you need a refill.  If your boob isn't completely empty, your body will not know to "fill 'er up." 

Second, in the early months when your supply is at its peak, use this time as an opportunity to create your stock pile of milk.  Though you may not want to go anywhere now, the day will come when you will want to breathe fresh air or catch a last minute shoe sale and you won't be able to because you won't have any bottles ready.  So when you are sitting around, staring at your bundle of joy as he/she sleeps – pull out your breastpump so you can begin to prepare your stash of milk for a day when you will want to be out of the house for more than 3 hours at a time.

Finally, there are two golden rules of breastfeeding:  

1.) Thou shall never waste thy breastmilk.

2)  Thou shall never get thy baby drunk.  

To abide by these rules, there is one number that every woman needs to know - the metabolic rate for your favorite cocktail.  This is your number.  Know your number.  Learn your number.  Love your number. 

Whether it's wine, rum, or tequila -- learn how long it takes for ONE drink to metabolize.  That way, with time and practice, you will be able to nurse, have a “sip” and nurse again without missing a beat.  But this is only for trained professionals and those with a bra size of C and above.

Disclaimer:  I do not condone getting wasted while breastfeeding but I do think a refreshing glass of wine every now and then is perfectly acceptable.  If you are planning a night on the town and end up partaking in three or more drinks, don’t try to calculate the metabolic rate - especially not while you are drunk.  Wait 12 hours before directly breastfeeding but be sure to pump and dump to prevent engorgement.  And please, be sure to have enough bottles stored to get your baby through the night.