Wednesday, January 4, 2012

(2 Karats and a Kid) The subject of my (x-rated) dreams...

Mommy-ism #20:  Even when you don't like him, it helps to want to have sex with your husband.

Suddenly, I have found myself to be an accidental stay-at-home mom.  I didn't like where my career was progressing and fortunately, I'm no longer working at a place that I loathed more than anything else on earth.  Yet, my husband works more.  Which leads to less time to be intimate and more time to figure out how to teach my son how to talk, or how to identify his body parts, or that electrical outlets are bad things. 

At times, I am angry because this is not what I saw for my life.  I was supposed to be someone doing something very important.  And regardless of how much I clean, or cook, or wash the clothes, or remember important family dates - nothing can take away the guilt that I feel about my husband working more to help sustain the family.

As a result, my husband is more tired and I am more tired.  I can't count how many times I have randomly yelled, "THIS SHIT IS HARD!" to myself, in my house, when no one (or when someone) was there to listen.

Needless to say, this does not help one's sex life.

Between my ever growing postpartum kangaroo pouch, being exhausted from being with the baby all day, and struggling insecurities as I navigate through my career purgatory -- good ole' fashion hard core sex is many times hard to come by.

One night, in the midst of a combination of anxiety and anger and exhaustion, I closed my eyes hoping that I would have a good x-rated dream about someone like Brad Pitt (pre-hideous facial hair) or John Legend, or even a single and younger version of Barack Obama .  As I closed my eyes and fell into a deep dream, I was excited about the mere thought of going to a fantasy world where some hunk was going to throw me up against the wall and tear my clothes off.

I awoke the following morning feeling relaxed and happy, so I tried to recall the identify of the man that I had a scandalous tryst with the night before.   After a few moments, loe and behold...I realized that my costar in my x-rated porn dream was my husband. 

I breathed a sigh of relief because at the end of the day, even in the crevasses of my mind, my husband is still my biggest crush and the sexiest guy that I know.

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