Monday, August 29, 2011

(2 Karats and a Kid) Far-Away From Here...(aka Just jump in a taxi cab, grab a bag, and getaway fast...)

Mommy-ism #14:  It's completely normal to contemplate abandoning your family...for a weekend.

Yeah, I said it.  Call me a bad mommy.  Call me a bad wife.

But you can't call me a liar.

One day a few months ago,  I had a thought that initially shook me to my core.  I was ashamed to repeat it to anyone else but because I have a twisted sense of humor, it actually made me laugh.  The truth is that one day, more like for about 15 mins one day, I contemplated how far across the world I could get with the $4,500 left on my credit card. 

Would it be an island in the Mediterranean?  Or would it be a small Italian village near Rome?  After paying for the airfare I knew I could afford a week in a luxury hotel or about three months in a student hostel.  Either option was feasible to consider because both would afford me a little space -- and a little quietness -- where I could distinguish my own thoughts from the barking of the dog or trying to figure out what to cook for dinner. 

I wouldn't even pack a bag.  I'd just grab seven pairs of panties out of the drawer, the three books I had been trying to complete for months, and a few packets of gummy bears that I kept stashed in the cookie jar before heading to the airport.

But just as fleeting as the thought came, my mind reminded me of all the reasons why my dreams of a martini in Santorini or a glass of wine in Rome could never be.

"Did you hear about Kirstin?  She went crazy, got on a plane, and went half way across the world?"  I imagined my family and friends saying.

Then I imagined Roman looking for me early in the morning and not finding me.  Then I imagined my husband thinking it was his fault and thinking maybe he should have offered to cook more.

And I thought about how nothing I could ever say would convince them that it wasn't them -- it was me.  I felt like I had run myself into the ground taking care of everybody but myself.

But I knew that nothing made me happier everyday than to see Roman smile and dance while I sang the R&B version of various nursery rhymes to him during bath-time.  And though my husband COULD cook more, he is still the person that I fantasize about more than anyone else.

So I put my purse and keys down and picked up my spatula and went back to making tacos.  Even if I would have successfully made it to that little village off of the coast of...whereever, I knew that I would miss my boys too much to enjoy it.

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